A Lie For A Lie

I don’t know where a four year old picks up lying but it has gotten to the point just before getting out of control in our house.  I hate asking, “What did you do to make your brother cry?” and getting an evasive, “Nothing.”

On our way home from the beach the other day, when the neighbor’s kid started screaming in the back row and I asked my usual question to only get the usual response, I had had enough.  I said, “Buggy, you’re lying to me.  Your nose is growing.”

Since she has seen Pinocchio only a handful of times, I wasn’t sure if she would get it or if it would make the impact I was hoping for, but oh did it work on my vain daughter.

Like.A.Charm

Not only did she quit antagonizing her friend, her hands went up to her nose to check it’s transformation.  Thank goodness there wasn’t a mirror around for her to call me out.

“Oh no, Mommy!  We have to get it back down!”

I stifle my giggle, “Oh, I’m sure it will once you start behaving like a good girl.”

Wouldn’t you know, her nose was back to its rightful size by the time we got home.

Tonight I decided to try it again when she took a precious toy away from her brother.

“Buggy, what did you do to your brother?”

“Nothing,” she says with her hands behind her back.

“Really, Buggy?  Because I can tell by the way your nose is growing again, that you’re lying to me.”

Her hands come around from behind her back and she places the toy train back into my sniffling little boy’s lap.

“Mommy, is my nose still growing?” she asks.

“No baby, it stopped but you’re going to have to do some good deeds for it to go back to its normal size.”  I say, “How about you go brush your teeth?”

Off she went to the bathroom.  After I inspected her teeth she asked, “Has my nose gone back down?”

I debate whether or not to press my luck but I figured, so far so good.

“No,” I say.  “But I think if you clean up all your toys in your room, that should do the trick.”

10 minutes later her room was spotless of toys and her nose was just as beautiful as the day she was born.

Lying to my very gullible child to teach her not to lie is not lost on me.  I feel like a hypocrite when I do it.  However, given that most efforts to get my children to do as I say fall short of achieving my goals, I will milk this gem of a disciplinary tactic for as long as I possibly can.

In the same breath, I get a good laugh out of it too, as did my husband tonight when he saw first hand how easily I could manipulate our daughter into getting things done that typically require me to yell, scream and lose my temper.

I say, Mommy, 2; Buggy, 0

Keep your cooties to yourself!

Mommies don’t get sick.  Ever!  Right?!

Wrong.  There comes a time when even we catch the cooties are children so willingly share with us.

Case in point.  My son had a virus recently which the doctor called 5th disease.  I bought the crazy the elderly doctor was selling for a few days but then I started to think he was wrong.  Say it isn’t so!

If you know anything about 5th disease, it’s trademark is a lacey rash, of which my son never got.  I think he just had some virus and it just sucked for 10 days.

We were laying low the entire time.  When I figured he was in the clear, I took the kids out for some fresh air and some socializing.  Everything was going great.  As we got into the car to leave, I felt it.

Sniffle.

OH NO!

Fortunately, I had my tissue box ready and I had the inside scoop as to what to expect.  What I didn’t like was having to confine ourselves back to the house.  I kept saying I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy so I’m sorry to the people I came into contact with.  I didn’t know I had picked up my son’s adorable cooties.

We waited it out for 4 days, mostly with movies and naps.  (Quiet time, if you’re my daughter.)

Then one day, the pain in my face was excruciating.  That night, it was my ear.  Pain like I’ve never experienced.  (Keep in mind, I gave birth to my kids naturally without pain killers or thick needles in my spine.  So for me to say I’ve never experienced such pain is saying something.)

I started researching medicines in my cabinet to see what I could take together to knock the pain out of my head.  Robitussin with codeine.  Check.  Motrin.  Check.  Heated rice sock.  Check.  After about 3 hours of trying to get to sleep, I finally did with the sock over my ear.  For 10 minutes.

And then the pain was gone, to be replaced with a crinkling plastic noise, water rushing, popping, snapping, fizzing, foaming and the ocean.  All this with a cotton ball in my ear.

It was 2 am, I was freaked out!  There I was in bed, hunched over my iPad, punching out emails to my husband giving him a play by play.

We concluded that I had ruptured my ear drum.

And then the whimpering march of my children started and I didn’t have the energy to fight them.  I just surrendered my queen size bed to their will and I grabbed my medicine station (tissue box, cotton balls, garbage can, ear thermometer, water bottle and telephone) and lap top and headed to my son’s bedroom.

After a few uneasy phone calls, some restless tossing and turning, I had a babysitter and an on call doctor’s referral to the local non-emergency office.

Babysitter came over before the kids were up and I was out the door.

As I conclude this post, I don’t know what you know about ruptured ear drums, but they hurt like a knife being stabbed in your head consistently.  Once it ruptures, the stabbing subsides to be replaced by nausea.

I’ve spent the last 4 days popping antibiotics, painkillers and anti-nausea medication.  I’ve also been laying on the couch so feeding my kids has been a challenge to say the least.  And you can forget about cleaning the house.  I’m lucky to get the dishwasher run and unloaded.  Today was the first day I haven’t been plagued with nausea and I have been able to get the kids out of the house for some necessary play time at the park.  Driving is scary because all I hear is ringing in my one ear.  I’ll try to stay away from heavy traffic hours.

But in case you were wondering, mommies do get sick and it sucks when we do because everyone in the house suffers.